The Chores of a Celebrity Dog

You may find it surprising, and perhaps even a little disconcerting that a celebrity such as myself has chores to attend to. Well, I too am equally perturbed by this. Yet even after the multiple family meetings I’ve called and the ensuing appeals, it seems like I have no choice but to help out around the house. Supposedly just because I’m famous doesn’t mean we can afford a full time butler and housekeeper to pick up after me and attend to my every whim.

I feel a need to share this problem with others, which is why it has become this week’s blog post. Maybe after everyone sees the injustice that is being done to me, Mum and Dad might feel more pressure to let me do less around here.

Crusoe does chores!

1. Help With The Sock Laundry

Mum originally wanted me to do all the laundry, which was just preposterous. I was willing to compromise though – as I am not an unreasonable dog – and so I agreed to take care of the socks. Particularly Dad’s work socks.

So everyday when he comes home from work, it’s my job to take them off his feet and pre-rinse them (saves on water).

My comment is that Dad should be taking my socks off and sucking them clean everyday, not the other way around.

2. Monitor My Own Hygiene

I know what you’re thinking; “Crusoe, you can’t possibly be in charge of taking care of your own hygiene yourself?”

Well, it’s true. Even if I don’t exactly do my own nail clipping, it’s my job to tell Dad to do it. If I didn’t, it would never get done.

So again, just another thing that has to sit on my mind.

And in between my regular trips to the dentist, I even have to brush my teeth and shave all by myself! Can’t have those whiskers going ‘wirey’ on me..

Luckily Mum holds my magazine while I go to the bathroom, but that’s truly the least she could do..

And heck, I even apply my own moisturizer! How many dogs do you know that can do that?

I got to do what it takes to stay silky soft for the ladies.

3. Clean Up My Toys

This is probably the hardest of them all. On a weekly basis, Mum makes me gather all my toys lying around the house and put them back in the basket.  It sounds simple, but it’s really not. She puts all my least favorite toys at the bottom, but I keep telling her my favorite toy can change on a second’s notice. So then she just ends up mixing them all together. At this point I am just so confused as to which ones are my favorite that I need to pull them all out again and start over.

It’s a long process, which would be made a lot simpler if I had more toys.

4. Help Mum With Her Exercises

This was somewhat of a voluntary action on my part, but I feel the need to help others get in as good shape as myself. So when Mum starts doing her push-ups every night (it’s not actually every night but she made me say that), I am right there on top of her to count them out.

When she’s so pooped that she collapses to the ground beneath my paws, I know I’ve done my job.

dachshund work-out excercise

I also make sure to always be flexing in front of her. Consider it ‘motivation’.

5. Dust & Polish My Trophies

I consider this one more of a privilege than an actual chore. If I ever invite you to dust my trophies, consider it an honor. However, it’s rare that I even allow anyone else to do this, as it’s never quite done to my liking.

Crusoe Dusting His Trophies

6. Protect My Home, Country & The World

It seems like I can only rely on myself at keeping watch for home intruders or property trespassers, which generally include squirrels and gophers. However, it does help when my brother Oakley is here to lend me a hand with this, especially as we make up the dynamic crime fighting duo of BATDOG & Robin.

Anyway, when I do see a perpetrator, it’s my duty to chase them off. You might notice a loud chirp/squeak/bark sound coming from my mouth as I chase them, but hey, there’s nothing wrong with having a little fun with your chores!

Make sure you click the sound icon for this one!

6. Oversee T-Shirt Production

The Crusoe Fan T-Shirts are officially in-stock and ready to go. It wasn’t without a lot of work on my part though. I had to coordinate the whole order. Then when they arrived it was me who unpacked and organized them.

And when the orders started coming in, I sat as the production supervisor up on my little pedestal, assuring each one was folded and packaged nicely. That’s just how much I care about my fans.


All that work does get to me though.

On occasion, I even had to risk taking a quick nap – just hoping my employees wouldn’t see me slacking on the job.

Cute Sleeping Dachshund

By the way, the t-shirts are really comfortable…

Get your own Crusoe Fan T-Shirt here.

So as you can see, the chores of a celebrity are not that few and far between after all, and these are only some of the main ones. In fact, I might even go as far as to say I’m the one keeping this household together. Without me there would be dirty socks everywhere, misplaced toys, squirrels running rampant, unfit people lazing on the couch, and absolutely no operational efficiency in the t-shirt order process.

I would much prefer if we could hire someone to do all this for me so I can get back to my regular activities of babe-watching and suntanning – you know, the important stuff.

Anyway, got to go. We’re having another family meeting to review the comments from this blog post.

Keep scrubbin’,

~ Crusoe

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20 Responses to The Chores of a Celebrity Dog

  1. Crusoe, your blog never fails to make me laugh. You have the cutest doxie paws I’ve ever seen!!! I’m amazed that your peeps do your nail clippings and not the groomer!!! You seem amazingly calm when the clippers come out. I’m guessing your dad has never clipped a bit too close or made you bleed (ouch!). Love how you slipped in that little comment about having MORE toys would make that particular chore easier!!!! You’re such a cut-up Cru!!! Here’s hoping your blog wins the contest ‘cuz you never fail to bring lots of smiles!!!! With love and hugs from Oregon……….chris xoxoxox

    • As always – thanks so much Chris! So far so good with the nails. But if he fails me once, I shall never forget. Thanks for your support at the Petties, and with every blog post! Love & hugs back atcha!

  2. Love him almost as much as my daschie Ginger.
    He is just precious and I just love his “words of wisdom.” Hugs to you Crusoe!

  3. Crusoe you are so koot. That’s what my mum says to me all the time. If you want to come and stay with me in London, just for a rest maybe, just say.
    Love Daisy

    • Koot! I like it! I’ll let you know if I’m ever on layover in London and need somewhere to crash ; )

  4. Well, I think that a massive celebrity such as yourself should be relaxing poolside with a fancy drink in paw. However, my mum says that you need to have chores–it keeps you “down to earth, like a real Doxi.”
    I disagree. You need ‘people’ do such things for you. For example, the Pharaohs of Ancient Egypt were carried around on a chair by their servants. Your food should served to you as you recline on a couch as the Ancient Romans did. Your sleeping accommodations should reflect the Salon de Mecure of Versailles.
    Make sure Mum & Dad read this…you should be treated as the super star that you are! Ummm…as always, the potty shot is fab.
    <3<3 Bonnie Lee <3<3

    • Well, typically I’m not very good at staying grounded. I’ve been ahead of myself since I started this thing. Anyway, it’s probably a good point your mum has, however, I say heck with that, I’m with you Bonz, let’s party it up! I’m going to go online and order myself a big chair and some servants right now with Mum’s credit card.. just you wait.

      Stay silky, Bonnie Lee ; )

  5. Your life is like a breath of fresh air time after time. Even us Retired Seniors get “in the mood” to act like kids and enjoy again the memories of our own adored family members of the canine species. You are a good worker but should take care of yourself and NOT work too hard, i.e., I bought and received my T-shirt. It’s beautiful, but somehow your employees neglected to warn us that “They fit SNUG”. The material is very good, but has no “stretch” to it. So, fortunately, I have a skinny niece. The shirt will look a lot better on her than on me. Maybe I will get another one. Tell your humans. Love, YOLI E.

    • Thanks Yolanda! And uh oh! Sorry to hear the t-shirt was a bit snug. They are pre-shrunk, hence the no-stretching part I guess. I’ll add that to the shirt info so everyone can see. They seemed to fit Mum, Dad & family ok, but maybe that was good luck! Sorry about that though! Hope you can get one that fits you well..

  6. Wow! That sounds very very tough! You are a celebrity!! You need people to clean after you! My mom just cleans up after me! Hehe I de prince! Hehe you celebrity need to be the king have everyone do everything for yourself!!!! Are you with me? Haha

  7. This is great, way to pitch in and help! I have tried getting the boys to help out but they think they are to cute to help. After reading your post to them, they were amazed that such a celebrity should do so much to help. They now have chores to do also. Fargo who fancies himself a detective has chosen to patrol for intruders where he uses his keen skills to track them down. Gunner being the largest has always been Fargo’s enforcer and Scooter is his mouth piece. They thought this was enough but no more they have started helping more as you do Crusoe. Thanks for the help getting them to help out. You are the best! Good luck we are voting for you!

  8. Crusoe, we worry about you bouncing and sliding on those beautiful varnished floors when pulling those stretchy socks off your Pops! Remember, workplace safety! Good job protecting your yard – tremendous speed and heart, Secretariat would have been impressed!

  9. Hi Crusoe!! You know, I wanted to tell you that you really make my day. Every time I get a chance, I look at different things in your page and it always makes me smile. (Loved your bathroom routine and the squirrel chase) 🙂 I am a disabled lady, and have 3 doxies. I also had one that looked like you, but now a friend takes very good care of him and sends me pictures all the time, so you also remind me of him. Thanks for the good times :)(P.S./Please thank Oakley and your humans too)

    • Thanks so much Vivian. I am happy to be able to give you a smile and to remind you of your little ones. That’s good you still see pictures of him! Tell him I say hi next time you see him, and to all your other furry friends : )

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Crusoe the Celebrity Dachshund

Crusoe is the wiener dog extraordinaire who has won the hearts of many through his wacky home-made outfits, viral videos, NYTimes Bestselling book, and larger-than-life personality.


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