Meet My New Friends, The Gopher Family

This weekend I left the city to visit my countryside chalet once again. Now that the summer is here, I’ll be going there a lot I hope.

However, since I’m not always there to fulfill my duties as guard dog, it opens up the possibility for intruders to take residence within the proximity – and by that I mean critters, varmints, rodents, and heck, even wired hairs for all I know!

I’ve always known there was some sort of critter (a gopher I later found out) living under my deck since the time Mum and Dad first got me and brought me back to that house. There were curious holes coming out all sides of the deck and intriguing scents that drove me many times to go exploring under the deck – to which Mum did not appreciate (Dad secretly allowed me but Mum still doesn’t know that).


In fact, my second-ever blog post was about this very subject! So you might consider this a bit of a wayback-playback.

Anyway, this weekend while I was out running some errands (needed more allergy medicine), Dad caught quite an intimate glimpse of the little gopher family living under our deck. By the way, we generally have a ‘cutesy’ term for most things, so among Mum, Dad, and I, we call them ‘goophs’ (pronounced goofs – emphasis of the f).

Sidenote: I’ve been battling some pretty bad allergies this past week, which has got me feeling pretty down and under the weather. Not my usual adventurous self.

Under the Weather Doxie

I am so jealous of Dad for being there at that moment. As he was leaving the house himself, there was a whole gopher family out exploring. There was a mother and three cute little babies.

Take a look for yourself at what he saw below.



If you’re familiar with your Crusoe Quotes, you’ll know that “it’s not that I dislike furry little creatures – it’s just that they didn’t ask permission to be on my land.”

So I don’t necessarily have a problem with these gophers being there, but being a celebrity and a capitalist, I feel they should at least be paying rent or paying their dues in some way or another.

I came back once I heard about their presence to ‘knock on their hole’ and speak to the mother. She wasn’t answering, so I felt as the property owner I had the right to force my way in. However, Mum so “smartly” blocked off all the damn holes last year so I couldn’t go exploring under there anymore. Not very “smart” now when we have a freeloader living under our deck and I can’t do anything about it.

So I said heck, if I can’t fit in their holes, I’ll dig a new one.

And if Mum’s garden gets a little torn up in the process, well, that’s her fault.

I didn’t get very far though when my allergies kicked in and I had to back off. I told Dad to get down there and start digging but he wasn’t having it. My family might seem very loving and all, but let me say there are many circumstances where they are less than helpful..

So with nothing left to do, we had to play the waiting game.


We waited for quite a while, until finally the mother gopher stuck her head out the hole.

I had prepared this whole speech about they should ask before setting up their home under my home, and that I would be requiring some sort of rent for their continued tenancy – preferably in the form of squeaky balls (maybe they could dig to China for me?)

However, before I could get a word out, I would say my instincts took over. I become all jittery and frantic, wanting to chase the ‘gooph’. Dad was able to keep me relatively composed so as not to completely scare her though..

I guess that’s just the dachshund in me. Instincts die hard, if at all.

So to wrap it up, Dad had to ease me into my speech, but once he did, I took it from there. The gopher and I had a big discussion, and although she won’t be paying me rent, we did strike a deal.

Since she’s always watching her surroundings (having babies and all), she said she could keep a look out for any wired hairs that might come along. It’s always helpful to have an extra set of eyes.

I also convinced her to let me chase her and the others whenever I see them, just for the fun – not to hurt them. She was a little reluctant to this, but I was rather insistent.

Hope this can be a lesson to all the fellow dogs out there that a critter on your territory is not necessarily a bad thing! You can convince them to stay around so that you get to chase them on a regular basis!

Another Sidenote: in a totally different place, I once saw a gopher just sitting out in the open. We were already on an expedition, meaning I was free to roam, and so I bolted after the little gopher. It didn’t move though. I came right up to it, not even a foot apart, and we looked each other square in the eye. I decided to be nice and just let the gopher hop away.

Keep diggin’,

~ Crusoe




9 Responses to Meet My New Friends, The Gopher Family

  1. Be careful and don’t trust too quickly. Strike another deal with them….I’m sure that they are familiar with the area and could round up some women for another SLWP, but at your cottage this time! A nice deck party, perhaps?
    I heard that Gophers know how to Rumba and like to play vinyl for tunes (let’s be clear here–Flamenco Rumba).
    Sassy, snappy, snazzy, salty, salutary & single:
    <3 Bonnie Lee

    • You think they have some hot friends? Hope so. Never thought about exploiting this situation for a Sexy Ladies Wiener Party (#SLWP), but that’s good thinking Bonnie. I’d love to see a gopher to the Rumba! : )

      Thanks Bon.

  2. Awesome “goophs” Crusoe. I’ve got a lot of those on my farm, except I call them groundhogs – cuz they hog all my ground!

    I’ve been hunting down those hole dwellers since I was just a wee pup. I even got into a fight in my backyard with one that was trying to steal the apples from my apple tree. (I won incase you were wondering).

    And just be sure you always sleep with one eye open when your Goophs are around – because mine stole my favorite dog collar when I wasn’t looking!

    • Hey Ammo, great to hear you have a similar predicament and that you’re taking good care of the situation. That’s not fun you lost your fashionable collar in a gopher hole. Maybe it’ll pop-up here. I’ll keep an eye out. Seeya buddy ; )

Leave a reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

There is no custom code to display.

Crusoe the Celebrity Dachshund

Crusoe is the wiener dog extraordinaire who has won the hearts of many through his wacky home-made outfits, viral videos, NYTimes Bestselling book, and larger-than-life personality.


Crusoe Fan Mail Address PO Box 1769
Chelsea, Quebec
Canada J9B 1A1


Who Dat Dog?
Media & Press
Crusoe's Costumes
Contact / Send Fan Mail
The Book
The Second Book


Privacy Policy
Copyright Terms
Website Advertising
Pet Influencer Information