Exploring my Feminine Side

You’re probably skeptical of this post’s title, and I fully understand. You may not picture such a womanizing, egocentric, virile, and stud muffin of a dog to even have a feminine side – and I can assure you, I didn’t know about it myself until this past weekend.

It all started when Dad went away to visit some friends, leaving Mum and I to ‘fend for ourselves’ (as she puts it). The first night together she kissed and caressed me into a slumber, wherein when I awoke she was doing my nails! I should have suspected this sort of female deception like Dad always taught me to watch out for..


I may have been sleepy, but I wasn’t impressed. Mum was quick to take this opportunity to convince me otherwise though.

She told me how the ladies like a guy who is in touch with his feminine side. It shows you’re comfortable with yourself, therefore building confidence (which I know chicks dig), and it also lets you ‘relate’ to them more, making it easier to get closer with them.

Her reasoning seemed viable, especially if it results in an increase in my sex appeal (that’s always my endgame).

So from our weekend together I compiled a list of steps – based on my own observations – to help others explore their feminine side as well.

If you’re a dude, you might want to write these down..

Step 1: spend hours looking at and admiring yourself in a mirror.

This one is absolutely no problem for me. I had been meaning to ask Mum to put a mirror down to floor-level anyway. Like what the heck? The one celebrity in the house doesn’t even have an eye-level mirror?

Dachshund Looking at himself in mirror

If this was all I had to do to get in touch with my feminine side, then heck – call me a woman! (But seriously, don’t).

Step 2: weigh yourself often

Mum says it’s not about weighing ‘less’ and that it’s about weighing a ‘healthy’ amount.

I also see eye to eye with her on this one. Being a celebrity and an athlete, I have to watch my figure while still building muscle mass. So ya, I’ve used a scale a few times before..

Healthy dachshund weight

I usually weigh between 11 to 13 pounds, depending on how much I’ve been working out.

Step 3: take a lot of candle-lit bubble baths

I’ll admit, I didn’t observe this from Mum but it is my basic understanding that women like to take a lot of bubble baths with candles. I guess it helps with relaxation and self-reflection?

Anyway, I figured I’d give it a try.

Wiener Dog Taking a Bath

I don’t think I really got the gist of this one, because the whole time I only wanted to play with my ball.

Throw a few chicks in here and then talk to me about relaxation!

Now, taking a bath also means a good photo opportunity, which I can never pass up. So Mum (somehow) figured out Dad’s GoPro camera and was able to snap a few shots of me underwater.

Here’s a profile shot of me throwing a pose underwater.

dachshund underwater photo

The thing about women is that they’re always secretly throwing a pose. The trick is to always act like someone’s watching. You’ll be amazed at how much better you look.

Step 4: sun tanning is important

Yes, yes it is. Here’s another one I’m already an expert at. In fact, I think most dogs out there are probably pretty good at this.

wiener dog sleeping cute

But do you know what’s wrong with this photo?

I’m wearing my collar. That means tan lines.

Step 5: take care of your skin

Chicks like to put a lot of skin cream on to stay smooth and smelling nice. I’m not too big on this one, but once in a while I get a nice facial to rejuvenate my pores and and make my fur nice and shiny.

Dog facial treatment

Step 5: don’t be afraid to get dressed up all fancy-like

A good way to get in touch with your feminine side is to get all ‘fancied up’. Women are creatures of beauty, after all.

So here’s me, all dressed up by Mum, looking like miss Little Red Riding Hood.

Cute red riding hood dog outfit

Like I said on Facebook, at least I was nice and warm that day.

So those are my observations on how to get in touch with your feminine side. I didn’t realize it until now, but it turns out I’m already pretty in touch with my feminine side. In fact, maybe that is why the ladies dig me so much. I never looked at it this way before, but now that I do, it makes sense.

So fans, did I miss anything? If you have any other tips for hookin’ up with your feminine side, drop them in the comments!

Keep bubble-bathin’,

~ Crusoe

P.S. I’m now on Instagram. Look me up – crusoe_dachshund



9 Responses to Exploring my Feminine Side

  1. Crusoe,
    I have a basset hound named Maris and a dachshund mix named Daphne. Any ideas how I can get them to enjoy a spa day like you do? You can see some pictures of them on instagram too *followkare-*

    • I followed you Kare : )

      It’s hard to give ‘tips’ per se. It’s more about practice and holding still for the camera!

  2. Crusoe,
    As always your blog and pics are as outstanding as you are! Keep up the good work, you hunk you!!!!

    Millie’s mom

  3. I love the fact that you are exploring your feminine side. You are a rough, tough guy who just to be able to relate to the ladies. What a brillant idea your mum had!
    What did your dad think of all this? We all remember what went on while your mum was out of town-ultimately resulting in the now famous “potty” shot. You said, “Dad and I got into some pretty weird stuff,” and that it was “2 Weeks of Mischief & Lady-Lovin.”
    How do you compare the two?
    Slinky,surreal, saintly yet salty, and still looking,
    your #1 fan, Bonnie Lee <3

    • Ya, it was pretty smart of her I guess : )

      And good question. It’s hard to compare them – because with Dad it could be guy stuff we do or could be weird stuff. With Mum it’s ‘girl’s night’ stuff. Don’t tell Dad I said that..

  4. Love reading your posts when they come out, Crusoe. Really love all the pics, too. Mom especially loves the cucumber mask! She says is looks so refreshing – I can hear her saying “ahhhh~~~~” from here! Keep up the good work buddy. Maybe sometime you can come down to Texas and kick up your heels and we can go running in the desert together 🙂

    Your Buddy,
    Ranger (& Mom, too, of course!)

  5. Hi Crusoe, I love your posts! I have ASD and use an electric wheelchair, and very few people make me smile, but you do! I love you so much.

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Crusoe the Celebrity Dachshund

Crusoe is the wiener dog extraordinaire who has won the hearts of many through his wacky home-made outfits, viral videos, NYTimes Bestselling book, and larger-than-life personality.



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