My Trip to The Dentist

I may already have an immaculate smile, but even I have to go the the dentist now and then.

However, I’ve decided that I won’t go to the vet for my dental work and checkups like ‘regular’ dogs anymore. I find the atmosphere very stressful at the vet, and also very lacking in the comfort and entertainment department for a celebrity as well. I’d like to watch a little Animal Planet or something while I’m getting my teeth cleaned at least. And I’d much prefer to sit in one of those comfy dental chairs rather than be pinned down to a cold metal table.

Dachshund at the VET

So this past week I insisted that Mum and Dad take me to one of your ‘human dentists’. When they called for the appointment, the dental office said they don’t usually accept dogs but that they would make an exception for me.

(As I expected.)

I was quite impressed when I got there. For one thing there wasn’t even one fat lazy cat in sight! I never liked those sauntering felines that hang around the vet’s office like they own the place… always seeming to mock me somehow.

Anyway, once the hygienist led me to the room she had me sit in the big chair. I’ll admit, I was a little nervous at first, always glancing back to see what she was doing and what sharp tool she might be pulling out of her drawer.

Dachshund at the Dentist

She checked me with a mirror and a little pointy stick to which I have no idea what it’s called. It wasn’t so bad though, because I was just concentrating on the TV screen above her head which was playing an episode of Too Cute from Animal Planet (where one of my photos appears at the end!).

Crusoe's trip to the dentist

That is until she told me that I had a couple stains on some of my teeth.

“From what?” I demanded, to which she just said it can sometimes happen, and that it’s very hard to remove. She then went so far as to say I may not brush my teeth enough..

I was insulted not by the fact that she thinks my teeth are not clean enough (well, partly that) but mostly because she thinks I brush my own teeth! I have people to do that for me, thank you very much. So that’s when I concluded that this lady was a quack and that she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. She continued blabbing about something, but after that the only thing I heard coming from her mouth were noises ducks make.

I decided to take matters into my own hands paws, and in doing so told the hygienist I would not be requiring her services any further.

My plan was to do my own dental work just using a mirror, but maybe this was a bit ambitious. So I told Mum to hop up on the chair and that I would practice on her before doing myself. She refused at first, but didn’t delay for long once I gave her my grumpy wiener stare.

dachshund dentist costume

It was nice to be on the other side of the mask for once. I had to revel in the moment for a few seconds… while flexing of course.

Doggy Dentist

The problem quickly arose that I couldn’t hold on to any of the damn tools.

This was very frustrating, and it didn’t help that Mum found this to be funny. So I did what most dogs would do to clean her teeth (and to wipe that smirk off her face)..

dachshund cleaning teeth

So that worked well, and was much easier than using those dinky little tools. I don’t know why more dentists don’t use this technique..

But the final test was analyzing Mum’s x-ray results.

dachshund xray exam

After careful examination, my professional opinion was that her teeth looked awfully long in this photo – and that they should be shortened. I’ll be sure to recommend that to the dentist here.

Dr. Dachshund

I guess I’m a pretty good dentist after all. I knew it couldn’t be that hard, but I still decided I’ll practice on Mum a few more times before I try on myself.

And since my visit to the dentist, Dad has been on a strict schedule to brush my teeth every night.

dachshund smiling

I’d say I have a pretty good smile, don’t you?

Keep brushin’,

~ Crusoe

P.S. My 2013 calendars are back on sale for the last time with a limited quantity, so check them out in my store if you still need to get one – there’s already not many left. I’ve also added a brand new option to add a ‘pawtograph’ and custom note by yours truly ; )



18 Responses to My Trip to The Dentist

  1. Crusoe, I am impressed, buddy. You are a very brave guy. Hate the dentist. Thanks for your blog and encouragement! You’re the best!

  2. Again—when I think you can’t go any further, you do!The pictures are priceless–especially with the dental mask. Your left side is totally flexed to the max in that pic.
    Did the paparazzi accost you outside the dental office? They can make your life complicated, but your shades probably help.
    Awwww… just make me swoon, even while getting your teeth checked out.

    Sociable,soft,striking,surly and still looking,
    your #1 fan world-wide, <3 Bonnie Lee

  3. If you were at my dentist office I would go more often. I like your technique of cleaning teeth, actually my Harrison is pretty good at that too. Guess I will put him to work! 😉 Puppy hugs!

    • Hehe, thanks! I bet you probably wouldn’t like it if your dentist tried that technique though.. I’m pretty good at it. You can trust me : )

  4. Love your pearly white choppers, Crusoe! And so glad your mum takes good care of yours. Small dogs often have tooth and gum issues, so it’s best to head off future health problems with proper dental health. (Keeps the “tuna breath” at bay, too. You don’t want to offend the ladies.) I hope your mum has you properly protected when you are seated on high stools like the one next to her dental chair. If you decided to take a quick leap off that thing, you could hurt your back. And I’m sure you’re well aware of the dangers doxies face with their back issues. So, be super safe and take no chances, Dr. Crusoe!!! Keep smilin’ you little hunkaburninlove!! xoxox………..Chris (your biggest fan from Oregon USA

  5. Crusoe reading your blog seriously makes my day! You are so funny and your mum and dad do such a great job taking photos of you!

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Crusoe the Celebrity Dachshund

Crusoe is the wiener dog extraordinaire who has won the hearts of many through his wacky home-made outfits, viral videos, NYTimes Bestselling book, and larger-than-life personality.


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