A Loooong Dog Christmas List

It’s almost Christmas, and although it may seem like the people doing the shopping are having the busiest time, I have actually been the most busy in educating and coordinating everyone to get me all the things I want.

I know what you’re thinking – “Crusoe, you’re a celebrity, don’t you have everything your little heart desires?”

They aren’t my words but I will respond by saying, “the world is not enough” (I’ve been on a bit of James Bond kick lately). And actually that reminds me of one of the amazing contestants from my fairly recent SuperDog Photo Contest – Mr. Jeff Boned:

Dachshund James Bond Costume

(I guess James Bond really has to be a wiener to start drinking Pina Coladas over martinis).

Anyway, I’m getting off-topic already. This is about me and what I want for Christmas. I will have to prioritize and summarize my Christmas list down to the bare minimum, otherwise this would become a many-part series of blog posts. So let’s begin.

1. Snowballs.

‘What the heck?’

Yes,  seriously, snowballs. This is my absolute favorite part of winter! Most of my more long-standing fans probably know this, but I am actually a fiend for snowballs – almost as much or equal to my love unhealthy obsession for squeaky toys. It sounds crazy I know, but just watch how excited I get when Dad throws the snowball for me in the below video.

Those are my little chirps of excitement.

I’ve even tried to bring a snowball inside before!

Cute Dachshund Snowball

I get especially excited when I see Dad bend over and start packing the snow together.

He has to be careful though because in my delusional fits of snowball-obsessed craziness, I will not hesitate to bite his fingers off.

(Hey, he’s been forewarned..)

Funny Doxie Face Expression

(Notice my sexy silver chest hair shining through the opening in my jacket ; )

 2. Squeaky Balls

I can never have enough of these. Mum usually buys them in packs of 5 to give them to me over time. However, the problem is (for her) that no matter how well she sneaks them into the house and hides them, I can smell them from a mile away. It didn’t take me long to discover her most recent stash, which was on the top shelf inside the closet – and once I did, I sat in front of the door for hours. Literally, hours.

Zanies Squeaky Face Balls for Dogs

And it worked, as usual.

3. Mini Squeaky Tennis Balls

These are very different than the above squeaky faces. They are cheaper and easier to get (PetSmart), so I consider them my ‘filler’ toys. Meaning, in between the intervals to which I receive new squeaky faces, I fill this time by playing with these ones. They are fun, especially to remove the little squeaker piece – which Dad later uses as a very confusing whistle…

Cute Doxie

4. Rosetta Stone – Italian

Why do I want to learn Italian?

Well, as I announced earlier today on Facebook, my blog posts will now be regularly translated and published on the Cosmopolitan Italia website!

So, imagine all the chicks that will be reading my stuff now! I need to brush up on my Italian for when I eventually meet some of them.

Funny Doxie wearing Glasses

I take my babe-chasing business very seriously, but you don’t need me to tell you that..

5. Babes

I’m not sure you can ask for babes for Christmas, but once Santa sees my name on the letter, I’m sure he’ll make an exception.

Here’s my babe criteria:

  • Must be a dachshund or dachshund mix.
  • No wired hair sneaky bitches.
  • In good shape with a cute butt.
  • If a long-haired, she must take good care of herself, including brushing her hair regularly.
  • She must have a sense of humor. I don’t mind a little sassiness but not over the top.
  • If she’s into squeaky balls then that would be ideal.

I’ve asked Mum to make sure my stocking is extra large so that at least a couple babes can fit in it.

6. More Vacations

My celebrity life is becoming more and more demanding. Wherever I turn there is a camera snapping, someone asking for my pawtograph, or people ogling at my cuteness sexiness. I find this stressful, wherein the only realistic solution I can see is to take more vacations. My recent trip to the Bahamas was a great way to just relax and have some carefree fun.

Happy Dachshund

7. More Fashion Accessories

This includes everything from Ray Bans to trendy jackets to my vast array of costumes. The more the better.

So that sort of wraps up my ‘top-level’ Christmas list. It gets much more specific and granular as I keep going.

Mum and Dad told me that if I wanted anything from my list, I needed to tell Santa myself. So this past weekend we headed over to a PetSmart where I met up with this ‘supposed’ Santa.

My first impression of him was not great. From all the pictures I’ve seen of this guy, he’s never had a nose ring or black eyebrows. I was especially frustrated with him when I started reading off my Christmas list and noticed he wasn’t writing any of it down.

Santa Dachshund Costume

So at that point I said I’d had enough of this phony clown.

I’ll just email the real guy.

Keep wishin’,

~ Crusoe



15 Responses to A Loooong Dog Christmas List

  1. I love the list and I can certainly fill your #5 spot. I shamelessly flirt with you and have posted a few of my pics hoping you would notice my attributes.

    My Christmas list? More snacks, warmer weather, and to meet my HERO!

    Slinky, saucy, stupendous, sincere and still single,
    <3 Bonnie Lee

    • I know you can, Bonnie – and then some ; )

      I saw your pics and they were adorable as always. You’re one stunning gal.

      Looks like you have a great Christmas list, too. Hope you get everything you asked for!

  2. Crusoe, you certainly know what you want! I’m sure Santa will bring you everything your little heart desires!

    You have a such a beautiful shiny coat. Ranger is a mini black and tan and I give him some tuna with his kibbles and peas every day and his coat is just as shiny and beautiful as yours. Does your mum and Dad give you tuna too? I really love the picture of you with the blue squeaky ball in your mouth and the one with the yellow tennis ball in your mouth. Beautiful, gorgeous pictures!

    From our house to yours,

    Ranger and Yvonne

    • I hope so! I wouldn’t say I eat tuna regularly, but I do LOVE it! I like all fish, especially salmon.

      Happy Holidays Ranger & Yvonne : )

  3. Dear Crusoe,
    I’ve tried to figure out the answer to my question on my own, but so far haven’t spotted the answer. It’s about you and your bro, Oakley. If this isn’t too personal, I’m curious. Are you and he from the same litter? Do you share the same birth parents? It appears that you two have families who practice open adoption- which is cool. Glad you guys can stay in each other’s lives. Anyway, if you wouldn’t mind shedding some light on the subject, I’d love to put this question to rest.

    Thanks man,
    Rosy- your fan way down south in Doxie, er I mean Dixie.

    P.S. Oakley is definitely very handsome, but he lacks your je nais se quoi!

  4. There’s no doubt Santa will bring you all your little heart desires, Crusoe! I’ve commented many times on your beautiful coat, too. Does your mum give you the occasional scrambled egg or two? That was my Cece’s favorite treat, and she had a coat just like yours (to die for!). Sure enjoy your funny blog posts and the gorgeous fotos. Take good care, and be a good boy. Well, at least until Christmas, that is.. from your biggest fan in Oregon, USA…..chris xoxoxoxo

  5. First, good strategy to remain calm when you realized the bearded guy in the red suit was an imposter. I’ll make a note of it.
    Secondly Dude, SERIOUSLY, I am all in to flirt with the wire hair babes so for heavens sake don’t discourage those lovely ladies! (Note here… FFPheobe super babes of any type are also on the list)
    After all, a sidekick is supposed to help sniff out the real beards from the fakes…

    • I was thinking about calling you guys in for backup when I started to pick up on Santa being a fake. I figured I could handle this one though, and I know you have a turkey problem on your hands anyway.

      I’ll send the wiry chicks your way. Maybe you can set them ‘straight’ ; )

  6. Merry Christmas to you Crusoe dearheart!

    I have to use my mom’s email address (for some silly reason I do not have my own), but just want you to know that you are a real cutie. er sexy hunk, in my book. I would be considered a Cougar to your younger age, but hey with age comes wisdom (if you get my drift) 😉
    I hope you get all your heart desires.
    I’m planning on spending the day with my people family, my fur sisters, and my beloved cats. I love the kitties although for some reason they don’t appreciate me, could it be my nose up their posteriors??

    Merry Christmas to you, Mum & Dad <3

    • I like a girl with wisdom & experience ; )

      I’ve never really known a cat so it’s hard for me to say. I consider them hostile and unfriendly though.

      Merry Christmas to you too! : )

  7. Oh my goodness. When I played your snowball video, my little dog turned her head so far that she almost fell over! XD I hope that you get everything on your list!

  8. Crusoe,

    It’s great to see that your using my Boned, Jeff Boned photo! I was so disappointed that I didn’t win your side-kick competition but am loving the fact that you like my photo 🙂

    I hope you had a fab Christmas, it was my first one (which I will be blogging about!) and have a very Happy New Year!

    High five paws and man-hugs – from Jeffrey x

    P.S Don’t forget, if you need any spies over here in the UK I am willing to help!

    • Hi Jeff! I definitely do love your photo! It was very well done. I had a great Christmas, and I hope you did too! High-paws all the way.

      It always helps to have ‘extra eyes’ in the places you’re not ; )

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Crusoe the Celebrity Dachshund

Crusoe is the wiener dog extraordinaire who has won the hearts of many through his wacky home-made outfits, viral videos, NYTimes Bestselling book, and larger-than-life personality.



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