My 1st World Problems as a Celebrity Dachshund

I may be a celebrity, and you probably think my life’s as good as it gets. But don’t be confused, I have problems just like everyone else. It’s just that my problems are maybe, well, less ‘severe’ than some others’.

Also, this post was by fan-request, so it’s not that I am particularly frustrated or disgruntled at the moment.

  • I dislike how my morning schedule is determined by Dad’s alarm clock. Since I don’t have to work like him, I would prefer to sleep in. This is one of the reasons I’ve been lobbying Mum and Dad to have my own room when we move to our new house this weekend.
  • I am constantly misplacing my ‘preferred toy of the day’ among all my other toys. I go through phases of which toy is my favorite, but it is frustrating when my favorite ball of the moment looks the same as all the other balls lying around the house. I won’t even play with the other ones – I just keep looking for the one I was playing with earlier.

Lots of Dog Toys

  • I have way too many showers. Even once a month is too many. When Dad says, ‘wanna go in shower??’, my ears go back, my tail coils down, and I go and hide under the covers of the bed.
  • Dad has made me a step for the bed, the couch, and even my Master Celebrity Chair – but he hasn’t made me one to get up onto the dinner table chairs. It’s as if I’m not welcome at the table, which is ridiculous.

dachshund sofa step

  • As you know, Mum works from home, so I’m always with her. But occasionally on the weekend her and Dad will leave me all alone for several hours. It’s not that it’s boring being there alone (since I’ll just play video games, work on my blog, or secretively have a party) – it’s more just the fact that I find it insulting that they didn’t want to take me with them.
  • We only go to PetSmart about once every two weeks. Celebrities are supposed to do much more shopping than that.
  • I really love the taste of fish, especially salmon, but Mum and Dad keep buying the non-organic stuff. I’ve made it clear multiple times that I prefer organic salmon – hence the need for the private chef I’ve also been lobbying for.
  • I am also tired of eating the same damn kibbles everyday. Even with the Omega 3 oil and glucosamine powder they put on my food for my coat and bones, I could still use some variety. That’s why I have to supplement myself with little ‘bites’ from the table.

Dachshund Food Bowl

  • Sometimes I can’t decide what I want to wear on my walk because I have just too many jackets and coats in my wardrobe. Here’s me in my ‘end-of-autumn’ jacket. And yes, I have a ‘beginning-of-autumn’ jacket, too.

jacket for dachshunds

  • I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook. Of course it’s the best place to connect with my fans, but it’s surprisingly glitchy for such a monster of a social network. It’s been months that I can’t even do a post while under the ‘home’ tab. I can only post while on the ‘profile’ tab. Totally, totally frustrating.

Let’s see, what else?..

  • My iPad 2 always seems to be out of batteries..

Wiener Dog Using iPad

  • I get too much fan mail, including all sorts of request for me to share people’s causes, pages, or sites. I’m happy to support good causes, but if I shared everyone’s request, that’s all my Facebook page would consist of! I’ll need to hire a secretary pretty soon to manage my email.
  • My personal masseuse always seems to be booked up. I haven’t got a professional massage in months..
  • A lot of people assume I am some sort of lap dog when they see me just because I am small. Au contraire, I am ‘far’ from a lap dog. In fact, that leads me into my next point;
  • Believe it or not, I feel Mum cuddles me too much. Most of the time, actually just about all the time, I don’t even want to cuddle – I just want to play. Sometimes Mum is so insistent that she’ll actually catch me and hold me down beside her until I give in. There’s been especially a lot of this since I hurt myself a couple weeks ago, but in that case, the TLC wasn’t so bad.

It’s a hard life I know. Luckily, I make the best of it.

Is there any I missed? Or what might your ‘1st world  problems’ be? Let me know in the comments or on Facebook.

Keep complainin’,

~ Crusoe



12 Responses to My 1st World Problems as a Celebrity Dachshund

  1. I would like to know how you keep your toys in such good shape? My Shorty boy destroys everything I give him within minutes!! Also… love your jackets… where do you get such cute clothes? Thanks Crusoe!!! Love your blog!!!

    • You can find the jackets he wears at I bought a jacket last year from the site and several harnesses. The lady who runs and makes the outfits is so very helpful. I highly recommend the site and doxie clothes.

    • I also would like to know where you got that fabulous coat?! My 1st world problem is that I don’t get enough one on one time with my mom anymore. Last year they adopted a new doxie sister (who is constantly laying on my btw) and just last month, Mom had a hoobaby (human baby). Now I have to share her with my sister and brother, oh how I miss the days of being an only child!!

  2. Celie here: My biggest beef is when mom is talking to someone else who happened to visit and she doesn’t pick me up to join in! So I keep barking at her and wagging my tail but she keeps telling me to be quiet so she can talk. Well, I figured out that if I keep looking cute and barking, she has to pick me up!! (I usually get what I want!) Good luck in your move, Celie from California

  3. Me, Beastie, a cute, adorable doxie (looking a bit like you, Crusoe) destroys my new toys within minutes. I have a lot of road kill toys in my basket… I do keep bringing them out to play with, as disgusting as they look, but mom doesn’t buy me enough toys 🙁
    You are one lucky pooch! Good luck with the move, and I’m glad you had a short walk today…road to recovery!!!

    • Mine-well are buzzards. I cant stand it when they fly over my backyard. Its mine and my doxie brothers territory. My mom says I must have bird dog in me somewhere. If I could I would fly right up and pull them out of the sky but my short stubby legs wont jump that high so I have to settle on chasing stupid squirrels and other ground rodents. If there’s nothing else to do I have tostay busy guarding my squeaky balls from the grandkids. I really would rather be getting those birds. Anyone wa t fried. Buzzard for dinner?

  4. Crusoe my man, I feel your pain. He is my list ….
    The word NO flows a little too freely in this house… I come from a place of yes. Yes you can dig the couch, yes you can eat whatever you want, yes you can bark all you want. Except for……
    Grooming !!!! That’s the time for NO !!!! All this brushing, bathing, nail clipping. sssshhheeessshhhh. Just went I seem to have things smelling perfect it’s bath time. All that hard work down the drain.
    It really bugs me when people ask if daschunds are hounds .. HELLO !!! Or when mom tells peoples I’m 5 and they ask if I will get bigger. I can see the look on her face of “what???”.
    Whenever we go anywhere dogs give my mom the love treatment – she’s mine and they should back off !!!
    On the upside I do have mom trained pretty well. She listens to me most of the time, and every meal includes sometime of vegetable and for dinner a slice of fruit. She let’s me bark when we are outside and if people get wiggy says, he’s a dog – that’s what they do.
    Keep up the good work my friend. !!

    • Haha, these are pretty good! I can relate to all of those. I especially dislike when people ask Mum, “so how much bigger is going to get?”.. That’s the worst.

      Thanks for your insights, I may have to quote them sometime ; )

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Crusoe the Celebrity Dachshund

Crusoe is the wiener dog extraordinaire who has won the hearts of many through his wacky home-made outfits, viral videos, NYTimes Bestselling book, and larger-than-life personality.


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