Are Two Wieners Better Than One?

Alright fans, it’s about time I level with you. Mum wants another wiener dog for our family, plain and simple. Dad is the one who isn’t convinced yet. He says we need to wait until we move to a bigger place, and that our condo is only big enough for one celebrity right now (understandably). So while Mum and Dad look after my half-brother Oakley from Toronto for the next two weeks, they’ll be using this as an opportunity to think about getting another one.

In fact, Mum sends Dad pictures of available wiener dogs just about everyday. I find this a little offensive – as if one wiener isn’t good enough? Besides, Oakley is plenty for me to handle, and I don’t even see him that often! Anyway, I’ll be using these next two weeks as well to decide how I (the only real celebrity in the family..) would like to have a second one. After all, I should have a say in this, too?

So here are some of my observations thus far.

As expected, Oakley and I don’t always see eye to eye.

Two adorable cute dachshunds

That’s not really much of a problem though. Being the older (and stronger) one, I always have the final say. In fact, I have the final say over Mum and Dad, too, but that’s another story.

Oakley follows me everywhere, as is the case with most little brothers. This can get a bit annoying. Especially if I find myself on a big chase or on my way to an important celebrity business meeting, I don’t want some bumbling goofball lagging behind me – especially one who wears a dorky cat bell on his collar. Like seriously..

two wiener dogs following

So that’s actually going to be one of my goals over the next couple weeks – to teach Oakley how to be a celebrity. I’ll teach him all about camera angles and lighting, and how you need to take care of your hygiene before going on set. I might even tell him about my secret tactic where I do a bunch of push ups and laps around the condo so my muscles are all flexed up.

But goofy is his character. He’s the funny one. I’m the handsome, charming, smart, athletic, and graceful one. But no matter your character, I have one golden rule: always look cute, or sexy. I personally prefer sexy but I understand there are some moments that call for cute.

Second golden rule: no cat paraphernalia in the apartment.

Third golden rule: this is my chair. Normally, Mum and Dad have to file an official seating request a couple of days in advance if they want to sit on it (so I can check my window-watching schedule and all), but I’ll let Oakley sit here this time, at least until he learns the proper procedures.

Celebrity Dachshund Chair

And he not only follows me everywhere, but also copies everything I do. At first I was a little perturbed by this, but as one of my fans pointed out on Facebook, it’s the best form of flattery. Besides, I guess that’s the best way for him to learn how to be a good celebrity.

two dachshund brothers copy each other

One thing I take very seriously is my hunting/tracking/chasing. Once we’re out in the woods, it’s not play time. Oakley needs to understand that. He also needs to follow my lead if he ever wants to get a squirrel.

Tip #1: Always walk along a log when you can. It’s easier, quieter, and faster than walking on the ground and through the brush. Plus, it gives you a bit of elevation for a better vantage point. I bet he didn’t know that..

Photo of wiener dog hunting tracking

So, there’ll be many more celebrity advice and tracking tips over the next two weeks. I’ll see if I can mould his (soft and squishy) body into that of a chiseled celebrity. It’ll be hard work, but I have confidence in my little bro. I’ll continue my observations through my training, and see how much I like this (having another permanent wiener in the house).

I’ll let you know how Mum and Dad fare as well.

Yet I would also like to know what my fans think. Is two really better than one? Do you think my spotlight has room for a second?

Keep ballin’,

~ Crusoe



7 Responses to Are Two Wieners Better Than One?

  1. We have two wieners in the house and it works great. No one is ever alone, like when mom and daddy go for a trip. Of course, when they leave the house for errands we go to our crates for a nap and alone time. Shelby is the alpha, but that’s ok cause Zoee is a sweetie pie . You will always get your hugs and treats.

  2. Hi Crusoe, I used to be the only all the attention, treats, etc. But then mom and dad decided I needed a playmate and they got Sammy. He’s smaller than me and younger, and sometimes he gets in the way. But, all in all, he really is a cute little guy and when mom and dad are too tired to play with me, he’s a pretty good playmate. So, having two weiners isn’t that bad at all. Just takes some getting used to. And mom always has enough hugs and kisses for both of us. Good luck….Jo

  3. Mom has something called “allergies”. So I can’t even sleep in her bedroom or sneak into her bed… Having a friend over for a week or two always smartens her right up and she doesn’t even want another wiener any more!

    I do like having someone come over to play, especially since I’m really good at sneaking to get their food! Not sure why mom gets so upset when I then have runny poops and wipe my bottom on everything… Really, what’s with that? Another bath! Get me outta there…

  4. Hi Crusoe! I’m Oliver and I was the only weiner around for a while too. My mom and dad brought me home when I was only 6 weeks old! So I was really used to being the center of attention. When I was 8 months old mom finally convinced dad that I needed someone to play with while they were gone. I was pretty excited when a little Princess Leia who’s only 19 days younger than me came to our house. Until I realized she was STAYING. Then I just decided I had to do to her what I did to everything else in the house. Claim her as MINE. She is mine. But she tells me what to do. I guess we’re married or something. I see it happen to dad all the time. Mom tells him what to do too. So I guess that’s normal. It’s been great having Leia. We play, fight, hunt and get into trouble together. Except somehow, she always seems to get away with everything and I don’t. Either way, I really enjoy having her around, even if she does tell me what to do. For the last few weeks mom and dad have been fostering another weiner! Three is a bit much, let me tell you. But Rory is fun to play with. Crusoe, you need your own lady. 😉


    • I think you’re right, Oliver, I need a lady ; ) Thanks for sharing your story. Seems like you’ve had quite the experience. I’m sure you love your family! I’ll see about getting a new friend, soon : )

  5. Crusoe, I was the only baby in my parents’ house too. When I was about a year and a half, they went on a long day trip (and I got to have a sleepover at grandma’s house, yay!) and came home with a new squeaky toy that MOVED! I thought it was a bunny at first, but it turned out to be my little sister! She’s not a wiener like I am, she’s some sort of fluffy thing. But once I realized that she could play racetrack and wrestle with me, I decided that she was ok to stay. We’re best buddies now, after a year and a half. Little sisters are lots of fun.

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Crusoe the Celebrity Dachshund

Crusoe is the wiener dog extraordinaire who has won the hearts of many through his wacky home-made outfits, viral videos, NYTimes Bestselling book, and larger-than-life personality.


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