As I’ve been telling everyone, Mum has just left today for the Cayman Islands. I am here writing this, so obviously my plan did not work, but I will tell you about it anyway. I can say though, that I am very upset with her, but happy at the prospect of some good bonding time with Dad. In my flight of anger, I told Mum not to be surprised if we have a new Mum by the time she gets back. She had the smart remark of, “well, don’t be surprised if I find a new wiener while I’m away”.
I know we didn’t mean those things to each other, but I regretted it anyway, and knowing it’s her birthday while she is away, I`ll consider doing something nice..
So this past week I have been racking my brains trying to think of a way to stowaway with her on the trip. After all, I could use some sunshine!
So the first thing I did was buy myself a doggy ticket. I called up WestJet, pretending to be my Mum. I gave them her credit card and they added 1 dog to her ticket for the two-way trip to Cayman Islands. I made sure to say these certain sentences a few times each throughout the conversation; “now you’re sure he is booked on both planes?” and “you’re sure there won’t be any trouble getting him into the country?”, “if the flight is canceled, can he still get on the next one?” etc. I figured the more I sound like a nut-job worrier, the more believable I would sound. It worked perfectly, and Mum won’t even realize I bought the tickets until she sees her credit card statement.
Next, I had to figure out how I would sneak with her to the airport. I figured if I could at least get through security with her then she wouldn’t bother taking me back. At first I thought I would just hide in the back of the car the night before. A couple of hours after waiting in the dark, cold trunk I remembered she was going to take a taxi to the airport anyway. Dangit!
A couple of my fans on Facebook suggested I try blackmailing my Mum by stealing her passport. This was a good idea, but she was one step ahead of me. She hid her passport before I could get to it! I guess that’s one downfall of discussing secret plans publicly on Facebook..
So my main plan was to disguise myself and hide in her suitcase. So the morning she was leaving, in cooperation with Dad, we set up a dummy dachshund to fool Mum into thinking I had left on my walk with Dad.
While she was busy getting ready, I slipped silently over to her suitcase and hopped in. I immediately began dressing myself in her undergarments so she wouldn’t recognize me in there. A sock on the nose was the final touch. I thought for-sure she wouldn’t find me now..
I still can’t figure out how – I guess it’s just that 7th sense that mothers have, but she knew right away I was in there. Before she even zipped it up. Man, she just can’t be fooled..
Well, that was disappointing.
So the jig is up. I’m staying with Dad. I’ve come to realize there’s nothing wrong with that though. We’re going to have some great guy bonding, throw a couple of parties, drink some beer (or water), eat lots of treats, and go cruisin’ on the town to pick up chicks.
I made sure to give Mum a couple of things to remember me by though..
And so, she is gone now. It kills me to say this, but I miss my Mummy : (
One thing for sure though is that I get her side of the bed! It’s going to be an interesting next week and a half. Stay tuned.