Why I Should Run for President

A fan of mine recently commented on my blog, suggesting I run for President. I hadn’t really considered that prior to the suggestion, but now that I do think about it, I figure, “why the heck not?”.

I may be Canadian, but I assume my international celebrity status makes me eligible for presidency pretty much anywhere. So I don’t anticipate that being much of a problem. I also think it would be pretty cool to go down in history as the first dog president. Although I can see how some people might not be overly receptive to that. They’re the “old-thinkers”. But I think I’ll run for both anyway: President of the US, and Prime Minister of Canada. Heck, we’ll call it the Presidinster of North America the world.

I’m not going to sit here and write out some mumbo jumbo political speech. I’ll tell it to you straight – I don’t know much about economics, politics, or macro astronomics. I am however, expert in all areas of hunting, fishing, exploring, playing, being lazy, picking up chicks, and looking damn sexy. And I think those are some important attributes that previous presidents have been lacking in.

However, I did give a little presentation on why I should be Presidinster at the World Dachshund Summit. Here’s a picture of all the delegates listening (or not) to what I’m saying:

dachshund un

Just look at that face. You can’t tell me you don’t want that as your Leader.


My first act as Presidinster would be to give everyone a dog (with emphasis on the dachshund – but hey, I’m not a dictator so I won’t force anyone to take the dachshund). Having a dog has been proven to help with stress, and it will make you live longer.

The next thing I would do is split every dog park in half, so there’s a big dog section and a small dog section. I’m tired of bein’ bugged by some of those big brutes.

I would also make every store and public place dog-friendly. And everyday would be “take your dog to work day”.

We would have an annual holiday called Dachshund Day, where we celebrate dachshunds (and their leader), have races, and party. Actually, might as well make it a week-long Dachshund Carnival. The whole thing would probably look something like this (link to dachshund parade).

I think if we stop worrying so much about money, power, and fame (actually, fame is okay), and focus more on living, we’ll all be much happier. We should take more walks, adopt the siesta practice so we can have our daily dose of lazing in the sun, have scheduled playtimes with our dogs, and just do more exploring. I think it will help build our harmony with nature as well, and maybe even save the environment.

So what do you think, do I have your vote?


One thing I would definitely do is listen to my fans – er, citizens. So, let me know what else I should do to make our countries better.

Next time you go to vote, be sure to write, “Crusoe the Celebrity Dachshund for Presidinster of __________ (enter your country here)”.

Keep ballin’,

~ Crusoe



9 Responses to Why I Should Run for President

  1. Dear Crusoe, This is a great idea! In addition to Dachshund Day, consider Dachshund History Month. Not enough people know that John Wayne’s Dachshund saved his wife and baby from a fire; or that Loni Anderson, Marlon Brando, Bear Bryant, Tracy Chapman, Dick Clark, Jacques Cousteau, Joan Crawford, Doris Day, James Dean, Patty Duke, Errol Flynn, Wayne Gretzky, Rita Hayworth, William Randolph Hearst, John Houseman, Henry James (!!), Winona Judd, Dennis Miller, Mary Tyler Moore, Dorothy Parker, Cole Porter, William Powell, Priscilla Presley, Vincent Price, Isabella Rossellini, Liz Smith, Adlai Stevenson, Liv Ullman, Queen Victoria, Maria von Trapp, Andy Warhol, Kaiser Wilhelm II, P. G. Wodehouse, James Woods, and Fay Wray all lived with Dachshunds.

    If you need a Minister of Propaganda, let me know.

  2. That was MY idea for you to run!
    And it wasn’t on Facebook, it was on here. But I’m sure I’m not the only one who advised you to run.
    Also run for Mexican president. Get those chihuahuas in line.

    Make sure to go to beautiful southern California when you are campaigning. There isn’t much hunting, but there is a lot of sunshine. My dog loves the sun.
    And lots of ladies for you here, too.

    • Hey! That’s right – sorry I forgot where I had seen it. I adjusted this post to reflect that. Thanks for the inspiration! You will have helped change the world.

      You can bet your whiskers I’ll be goin’ where the ladies are..

  3. Great idea! And good call stepping up for Prime Minister, the last thing Great Britain needs is another wirehair wearing a monocle in charge.

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Crusoe the Celebrity Dachshund

Crusoe is the wiener dog extraordinaire who has won the hearts of many through his wacky home-made outfits, viral videos, NYTimes Bestselling book, and larger-than-life personality.



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