It wasn’t exactly by my own will that this post came to be. Many people have been encouraging me to put my issue with wire haired dachshunds to rest. I was reluctant at first, as I am quite stubborn in my ways (which is expected as a dachshund), but I figured I would at least give them another chance to regain my trust.
Let’s back up a bit first though. It all started almost 2 years ago at a wiener dog race in Montreal. It was a very important race, in fact it was the qualifying round for the finals. We were all lined up on the starting block, waiting for the starter gun to fire when seconds before, a wire haired took off early.
As a fair sport, I still waited for the gun to go, but once it did I bolted out of there at lightening speed, whipping past the wire haired before crossing the finish line in first place. Read more about it and watch the video here.
Since then, I’ve had a hard time trusting them.
Anyway, I’ve decided to see for myself if I can trust wired hairs by inviting one particular wiry fellow over to my home for the day to conduct a series of tests, interviews, and covert monitoring. I also decided that for the first part of his visit at least, I would maintain my own disguise as I wire haired.
If he thought I was one of his kind, he might open up and expose something of interest.
So to introduce my ‘guest’ (I guess we can call him that), below is Cooper (formerly Jack) – a mini dachshund who was just recently rescued from a shelter in the nick of time before being euthanized.
Cooper is currently with a foster family and is up for adoption. More details at the end of this post.
Before he arrived, I had Mum hide all our valuables around the house, especially the trophy I ended up winning at that race.
Dad picked him up from the foster parents in the morning. Cooper arrived and introduced himself rather politely. I did likewise, albeit skeptically. I’ve never really gotten this up close and personal with a wire haired before, but my disguise gave me confidence.
I’m pretty sure he fell for it.
Cooper then sniffed around the house while I observed from my master chair. He soon found my pile of toys and did not hesitate to start trying them out.
I would have appreciated him asking first, but I understand he might not have all the same high-society mannerisms that I’ve become accustomed to.
He was choosing a lot of the boring ones though (except the rubber chicken – that’s a pretty good one), so at this point I felt the need to hop down and show him which toys were good.
However, For some reason he took an interest in just about all the ones I wasn’t that fond of, which I didn’t really mind.
And so we formed our acquaintance over a couple squeakies.
All that squeaking got me in a playful mood, so I went to my big teddy (named Big T), and started to shake it around.
I guess Cooper found this a good opportunity to relieve some of his sexual tension from being in the joint all that time.
I wasn’t impressed.
After Cooper settled in a bit (and released some of that energy), I thought it a good time to conduct my interview.
We sat opposite each other while I asked questions from my clipboard. He seemed a little distracted at first by the camera, but I assured him he was only being recorded for quality purposes.
Here’s a little on how the interview went:
Crusoe: “we’ll start with a basic question. What is your name?”
Cooper: “Jack. Oh wait no, it’s Cooper now.”
Hm, not the best start. Is he bullshitting or does he actually not know?
Crusoe: “where are you from?”
Cooper: “I was at shelter in Quebec, but was just rescued and am now with a foster family.”
Crusoe: “and how did you end up in this shelter?”
Cooper: “my old owners couldn’t care for me anymore.”
I wondered why, and made a quick note to revisit this point.
Crusoe: “Mhm. And have you ever committed a crime?”
Cooper: ”I stole a bit of food once because I was hungry.”
I discretely gestured at Dad to go hide my kibbles.
Crusoe: “why did you hump my teddy?”
Cooper: “well, I just got neutered a few days ago, so I’ve been meaning to see if everything still works down there.”
Crusoe: “I can relate to that – unfortunately. However, next time please do so on your own teddy. Big T needs to be washed now and I much prefer him tasting like dirt and my own dried up saliva.”
Crusoe: “have you ever broke someone’s trust, cheated, or disobeyed rules?”
Cooper: “I did what I had to do while in the joint, but it was my last owners that betrayed MY trust.. I’ve been without a real home for a while now.”
A strange feeling overcame me. Could it be compassion?
Crusoe: “and how do you feel about being a wire haired?”
Cooper: “good I guess, but I find myself questioning why a nice family doesn’t come and adopt me. I am well behaved, house trained, just-neutered (as we discussed) and would be so grateful to have someone to love me and call their own.”
Ok, this interview was starting to get a bit too sappy for me. I needed to lighten the spirits and change it up.
I decided we would play a couple games. Having setup a series of hidden cameras, my objective was to see if Cooper might be tempted to try a slight of hand, especially when I offered him one of my toys to keep if he won.
We started with a light game of cards. Poker in fact. He had never played before so I had to educate him on the rules. At one point he said he had a ‘quadruple flush of a kind’, to which I said “what the heck is that?”
He claimed it a terminology error in having only just learned the rules, and I (reluctantly) let it slide.
After a few hands I had pulled away in the lead, and was getting slightly cocky enough to stick out my tongue when he wasn’t looking.
However, I called it quits before getting too carried away.
Next up was Scrabble.
It was a pretty close game at first, but after a while I couldn’t help but display my “I know I’m going to win look” – part 2.
All in all, judging from my experience playing with him and after later reviewing the surveillance tapes, I’d say he kept it pretty clean. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t just a little disappointed in not catching him red handed with a couple cards up his sleeve, but oh well.
And before I knew it, it was time for Cooper to go home. We said our goodbyes, and I sent him on his way with a few of my toys that he really seemed to like.
Ill admit, I rather enjoyed my day and might even call Cooper a friend. In an effort to speak frank, Cooper was a very sweet and gentle little guy with quite a comical character. Despite his history, he was always friendly and jovial. He followed Dad around a lot too, which tells me he really wishes for his furever home. It makes me appreciate how ever-so fortunate I’ve been in my life – to have a loving family and a real home (plus a couple vacation homes), not to mention I’m a world famous celebrity who gets tons of chicks. I really hope Cooper finds a similar good fortune soon.
So what is the verdict you ask? Well, I would say my previous, undiscriminating distrust in wired hairs has perhaps been a little unwarranted considering the results of today’s analysis. I would be able to say I wholly trust them now if it wasn’t for one little thing that I discovered after Cooper left. Dad brought up my dog bed from the car when he returned, and upon sniffing it I immediately realized that he had pooped on my bed!
Not sure why he did that but anyway, I’ve learned not to dwell on these things. He’s just lucky he only did that on my car bed and not in my luxurious sleeping quarters.
And so I think we can officially say “I trust them”, albeit with just a little healthy skepticism.
In conclusion, I had a good time with Cooper, and I’m thinking I might just keep on my disguise for the fun of it.
Update: I am happy to inform you that Cooper has now found his furever home with a loving new family.
If you would like to help out other foster dachshunds with stories like Cooper, please visit my local Canadian Dachshund Rescue (CDR) website for available dogs for adoption or to make a donation. You can also help by voting for me as Best Active Living Blog at the Petties, where if I win, $1000 will donated to CDR.