It may come as a surprise to you that little ol’, mild-mannered Celebrity Crusoe has another side to him..
It was just this week that I introduced my alter ego – BATDOG – here to defend the world against evil cats and the dubious wired-hair dachshunds.
To start, please keep in mind that this is NOT a costume. BATDOG does not wear a costume – this is a custom-engineered, flame-resistant and bullet-proof outfit.
Now you’re probably wondering – isn’t being a celebrity enough? Let alone taking on the role of a crime-fighting superhero dog? Well, being a celebrity is a lot of work, no doubt, but I figured if a busy businessman like Bruce Wayne can be Batman, then there’s no reason I can’t be BATDOG.
You’re also probably wondering why I’ve exposed my identity as BATDOG here. Well, contrary to the real Batman, I’m in it for the fame and glory. That and the ladies. So we might as well be on the same page with that from the beginning.
So if you’re ever in trouble and need to call upon BATDOG using the below symbol, make sure you have a camera ready to snap some pictures of me saving you, otherwise I can’t guarantee I’ll help you.
So when I first publicly disclosed myself as BATDOG on Facebook, I was a bit surprised when I didn’t see any bat symbols in the sky that night.
Looking for some action, I thought if I go sit up on the stone column at the end of the driveway, I might be able to stop any bad guys from coming too close. Or at the least, see some squirrels I could chase away.
Nothin’. So I decided to take more proactive measures.
I asked Mum to drop me off in town. I kept my outfit hidden in a bag, because I didn’t want her to know I would be going as BATDOG. She thought I was just going to the park to pick up chicks (a regular activity of mine).
So once Mum was gone I threw on my BATDOG
costume outfit and posted up on a sidewalk bench.
What I hadn’t fully anticipated was how much attention I would be drawing to myself. For as soon as I was on that bench I had people coming up to me asking about the outfit and if they could take a picture of me. This proved to be very distracting while trying to keep watch for any criminal activity that might be going down around me. However, as I mentioned earlier, this is what I’m in it for.
In fact, when Mum came to pick me up later, I decided to leave on my outfit. For one thing, no one is going to think about stealing Mum’s purse if she’s got BATDOG at the end of her leash..
Still somewhat disappointing that there was no action though. I was expecting this to be much more like the movie.
Well if I couldn’t find a villain, I could at least get a Batdog-mobile.
So on our way back from town, Mum dropped me off at a motorsport dealership where I bought myself an all-black ATV. I asked if they had any with built-in guided missile launch systems.
Unfortunately, they didn’t have any, so I guess those are only after-market. But I’ll see what I can find online..
So here’s BATDOG on the Batdog-mobile. I may have to invest in some Doggles, because the glare from that side mirror is blinding..
After playing around on my new ride, I got a bit bored, not being able to blow anything up and all..
So I figured I would work on my ‘swooping’ action, since Batman is so well-known for swooping in to save the day.
Much like everything else, my learning curve was, well, straight. I had my BATDOG ‘swoop’ mastered in no time.
So it looks like I’m all set for anytime BATDOG is needed. It could be a crook, someone in distress, any type of cat, and of course the wired-hairs. However, considering that I have many fans who are wired-hairs (who also may need my saving), I will treat them as innocent until proven guilty – albeit with an understandable skepticism.
Being a celebrity will always come first, but for now I’m having fun with my new alter-ego. But who knows, I may get bored of it within a week and give it up. Heck, maybe next week I’ll be Superdog.
You never know what’s next with Crusoe the Celebrity Dachshund – but until next time, look no further than BATDOG.
Thanks for following my adventures.
~ Crusoe (BATDOG)