An Educated Dachshund

I pride myself on being an educated – as well as a celebrity dachshund. There’s a common misconception that celebrities are all looks and no brains. Well, not I.

I know many tricks, including ‘bang’ and ‘rollover’, and many more unofficial commands or communications such as “wanna got to PetSmart??“, or “go get the ducky”, or “go get daddy a beer”. A year ago at the Annual Wiener Dog Races, I won silliest trick award for my fantastic, “bang!”

Although I wouldn’t really say it’s “silly”. It’s quite impressive actually.

dachshund wins best trick

I graduated at the top of my puppy training class with promising aspirations of becoming a celebrity (hey… I did). I like to constantly test my memory by hiding things around the house. Of course I’m not perfect and sometimes I’ll forget things, which is why I only hide Mum and Dad’s stuff – like socks, slippers, underwear, you name it. I can’t afford to lose one of my precious squeaky balls though, so I don’t hide those.

I also have very strong political views. I am all for the Tea Party, mainly because I heard they serve lots of biscuits.

I keep a very tight schedule, except in the morning. In the morning, I’m as lazy as can be. But when lunch comes, I’m up and at ’em, ready for my lunch and walk. Then when 5:00 rolls around, the alarm clock in my head goes ding ding ding – which means “daddy’s home!!”. I go and wait by the door with my tail slowly shuffling back and forth in anticipation. I am very disappointed if he is not on schedule though. If he’s late, I just hide more of his stuff than usual.

If you are a fan of my Facebook Page, then you’ve probably seen the below picture. But to explain, I sometimes like to put on my glasses – not to read, but to think more sophisticatedly.

Crusoe Thinking Glasses - Dachshund

Wearing the glasses helps me to self-reflect and engage my philosophical side. I’ve already collected some astounding theories, but those are secret for now.

I do have a very effective collection of attention-getting tactics though. I highly recommend those for any dog who needs more attention – ok, all dogs.

I like to do a lot of my important thinking in my Master Chair.

Crusoe Master Chair

Research isn’t something I do myself, because that’s boring. I have people do that for me and then tell me about it in a story-like fashion. For instance, did you know that archaeologists recently found an ancient dog skeleton buried with a giant mammoth bone it its mouth? The bone was put there as a tribute to the dog in its passing, as if to put it to rest happy and full. It just goes to show that dogs have been humans’ best friend even back to the caveman times, which is farther than we had originally thought.

Anyway, more on my theories and research another time.

Tell me about what you do that’s intelligible in the comment section, as long as you don’t show me up too much (I have a reputation to uphold!).

Keep readin’,

~ Crusoe

Comments

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6 Responses to An Educated Dachshund

  1. Dear Crusoe, This trick never fails. When it’s time to eat, pretend you aren’t hungry. In a couple hours your mom will start to worry and she’ll offer you human food. Jackpot! (My dad knows what’s going on but my mom is afraid I’ll starve.)

    Good Luck,

    Sophie

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Crusoe the Celebrity Dachshund

Crusoe is the wiener dog extraordinaire who has won the hearts of many through his wacky home-made outfits, viral videos, NYTimes Bestselling book, and larger-than-life personality.

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